discuss why your thesis/overall argument matters in the grand scheme of things.
Persuasive Rough Draft Feedback
• My first suggestion would be to work on developing your thesis statement a little more. A good thesis statement should clearly establish your argument to the reader. A great thesis statement should introduce the main supporting points. This can be done simply by saying something like “Minimum wage should be eliminated because X, Y, and Z.” This acts as a road map to show the reader what direction the rest of the paper will be going.
• My second suggestion would be to work on differentiating between your words and the words/ideas of the sources. You have a lot of really interesting sources being used in your paper; however, it is nearly impossible to tell when your words end and the words/ideas of your sources begin. This can be solved through the use of attributive tags/signal phrases and direct quotes/paraphrased passages. Here is a link to help with this: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/02/
• My third suggestion would be to work on the structure of your paragraphs. A paragraph should only make one main point; if a paragraph makes more than one point, there is a good chance it needs to be broken up. A paragraph should be structured a lot like a mini essay, with a clear introduction (a topic sentence that introduces the main point of that paragraph), a body (the support/evidence for that main point), and a conclusion (a discussion of that support and main point and how it all ties in with the overall argument/thesis of the paper). For the most part, you do a great job at this; there are just a few instances where your connections are a little unclear. Also, there are quite a few claims made that are not clearly being supported with outside evidence, or the source is a little unclear.
• My final suggestion would be to work on developing your conclusion a little more. A conclusion should not only restate and summarize the paper that precedes it, but should also discuss why your thesis/overall argument matters in the grand scheme of things. Think big picture here!
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